When parents separate, it is important to ensure from the outset that a good relationship with both parents is encouraged. Sometimes parents can experience a deterioration of the relationship with their child or children post separation. Where this resistance is caused by the behaviour and attitude of the other parent, we describe this pattern as ‘parental alienation’. It is a phrase you have probably heard mentioned, but never quite understood the significance of.

The Children and Family Courts Advisory and Support Service (CAFCASS) define parental alienation as “the unjustified resistance or hostility from a child towards one parent as a result of psychological manipulation by the other parent”.

As family lawyers, we always try to encourage parties to act in a child focused manner and to put their child’s emotional wellbeing above any resentment they may be feeling towards the other parent.

What sort of behaviour constitutes parental alienation?

Alienation is not the sole cause of children resenting a parent or parents following the breakdown of a relationship and it is important to distinguish this from situations of domestic abuse (where a child may feel an affiliation towards one parent because of the abuse they have witnessed within the household) or harmful conflict (where children have been exposed to conflict between their parents which has led them to take a particular view).

Examples of behaviours which can indicate alienation are:

• A child making a false allegation against a parent (e.g. an allegation of physical harm)
• Belittling the other parent to the child or encouraging the child’s disrespectful behaviour towards that parent
• Interfering with contact
• Interrogating a child after contact
• Making important decisions about a child without reference to the other parent
• Encouraging a child to reject a new partner
• Constantly telephoning a child during their time with the other parent to check that they are okay
• Encouraging a child to challenge the other parent’s rules
• A child making comments which appear scripted/repeated or adult in nature

Alienation is common in cases where there has been domestic violence in the past, as it represents a continuation of the control exercised during the relationship.

What can I do if I feel that my co-parent is displaying alienating behaviours?

If the alienation is interfering with the time you spend with your child, and you are unable to agree on a suitable arrangement for having contact with them, it is possible to make an application to court to agree a Child Arrangements Order, regulating the time each parent spends with the child. As part of any application to court, allegations of parental alienation would be considered and recommendations made which take account of those allegations.

It may also be sensible to engage a family therapist who can help to improve the dynamic and help the parent who is displaying alienating behaviours to recognise the impact that the behaviour is having on the children.

Our family team specialise in dealing with tricky situations surrounding child contact, including situations where children are being exposed to harmful conflict or alienating behaviour. If you feel you would benefit from an initial consultation with one of our team, you can enquire today by calling 0330 0945 500, emailing family@nevesllp.co.uk  or completing our Contact Form and we'll get back to you. 

We offer an initial Fixed Fee meeting which gives you an hour with a specialist family lawyer.