Judge Rinder has recently given some advice on how to divorce well. It is often a complicated and emotive process. To make things easier, before you start divorce proceedings, it is always important to be aware of some common misconceptions...

• It often takes longer than you think. There is no such thing as a 'quickie divorce'. It’s best to accept that you will have quite a few months of not really knowing what the future will look like. This is very stressful, particularly if you have children, but there’s often no alternative.
• Chances are it will take two or three stages - 1) agreeing to separate, 2) moving out and/or coming up with a temporary plan, and then 3) divorce. Each will need their own time to get used to before they can move on. If you are not sure where you stand then you should get legal advice before making any firm decisions.
• It’s not one process, but three. People think of divorce as ending the marriage, dealing with issues like how to divide the money or property, and sorting arrangements for the children all in one go. These are in fact three different processes, dealt with separately, but often going on at the same time.
• Few people can afford, financially or emotionally, to fight a long drawn out legal battle. Some people think they need to get solicitors involved to argue a case right away or go to court in order to ‘protect themselves’ and ‘get what they are entitled to’, but this is a costly and stressful misunderstanding of the system. It’s best to get accurate legal advice as soon as possible, this could be via an initial consultation. If you can agree as much as you can, either on your own, using family mediation, or having solicitors negotiate for you. Going to court is very much a last resort. In fact, most people can’t go to court about a family matter without showing that they have explored the idea of using family mediation first.
• There are no rewards for good behaviour or punishments for bad. What happens to the money isn’t affected by who had an affair, or who did what hurtful thing even if you want it to be. 'Past behaviour' is listed as one of the criteria for deciding how money is divided, but generally speaking, it does not work like that. It only counts if it has been really very bad or if someone is trying to hide money and assets.
• There are no set formulas for working out who gets what. You need to try to agree between you where possible (on your own or with the help of a mediator or solicitor) on what happens to the money or the home. If you do take it to a court hearing, the court looks at what you both need for the future, not necessarily what you have put in.

These are some 'basic rules' to bear in mind when thinking about and dealing with divorce.

Read Judge Rinder's article here - https://www.standard.co.uk/comment/nightmare-divorce-guide-how-to-do-it-right-b1058199.html

If you would like advice and support regarding your separation and divorce, in strict confidence, contact our Family Law team. We offer an initial Fixed Fee meeting which gives you an hour with a specialist family lawyer - click on the link below to find out more. Call 0330 0945 500, email family@nevesllp.co.uk  or complete our Contact Form and we'll get back to you.